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Be the Best Sarah Palin Ever

October 31, 2008 · Leave a Comment

With Halloween falling right before a historic presidential election, politically inspired decorations are everywhere. Just step outside and you’ll see partisan animus carved into jack-o-lanterns, worked into yard tableaus, and projected onto hanging effigies by enthusiasts of all stripes.

No surprise–in the costume department, Sarah Palin is the clear frontrunner.

Of course if you’re lazy or a last-minute shopper, you can simply modify a drug-store ghoul mask and go as John McCain. But that’s just plain boring–and scary. So for the more motivated readers out there, I’ve taken the liberty of compiling a few pointers in the event you’d like to impress your neighbors with a homemade Sarah Palin costume.

  1. First, you’ll need a brightly colored skirt-suit. Make sure it’s monochrome! No fanciful (liberal) patterns. Try a thrift store near a retirement community or a local PTA office.
  2. Next, take up the skirt 3 or 4 inches, and accessorize with a second-hand brooch (American flag or elephant if possible), a pair of hooker heels, and bright lipstick.
  3. Save precious American dollars by repurposing that up-do wig from last year’s sexy teacher, sexy librarian or sexy witch costume.
  4. The signature rimless eye wear is going to be tough (Sarah Palin knockoffs are sold out everywhere). I suggest checking Home Depot for a pair of plastic safety glasses.
  5. To bring this costume alive you’ll need to practice winking after every fourth word and using a variety of random catch-phrases such as “Washington elite” “without preconditions” “bad guys” and “palling around with terrorists.” Be as hostile as possible in your delivery.
  6. Practice your Miss America wave–elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist.
  7. Carry with you a homemade Palin rally poster that looks like it was scrawled by a third-grader. For extra fun, write on the back “I’ll be in charge of the senate!”
  8. Finally, find a plastic rifle to sling over your shoulder, and force your child (or any child) to accompany you dressed as either a moose or wolf.

And voila! You’re ready to go toe-to-toe with all the other maverick reformers at your costume party. Dressed like a bona-fide political babe, you may even score a date!

Categories: Palin · Palintology · Politics
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