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Entries categorized as ‘Palintology’

Palin's Diary Discovered?

November 4, 2008 · 1 Comment

Editor’s Note: Earlier today, the Alaska bureau of HatePalin received a plain manila envelope containing a pink, leather-bound book engraved with the words “MY DIARY”. Handwriting and microfiber analysis lead us to believe that this is, in fact, the authentic diary of Gov. Sarah Palin. But in the spirit of unbiased analysis that is the hallmark of HatePalin, we invite you to be the judge.

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November 2, 2008 12:45a.m.

Dear Diary,

I can’t sleep, despite all the nice blue pills. First, the countdown clock is really ticking. Only two days to go! (Who would know how many hours that works out to – Kissinger?)

Second, it turns out you can see Mexico from Texas. Canada up top, Mexico on the bottom, water everywhere else. I may not be a foreign policy expert, but that means we are surrounded on all sides by foreigners.  John needs to go public with this, or I will.   Why don’t the newspapers report this kind of thing instead of whether I do or do not have the ethics to serve in public office?

Must find out if normal bullets are effective against Mexicans, or if we need silver bullets like for the Chinese.

Idea for where we put the non-American parts of America: Greenland.

Love You,

Sarah

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November 3, 2008. 10:30 a.m.

Dear Diary,

Just a quick note–the Big Night is tomorrow! I haven’t slept for 3 days! Thank God this campaign is almost over and I can finally get those McCain idiots out of my hair! If I needed 30 years of foreign policy trivia crammed into my head, I would have studied it in school! And isn’t that what ambassadors are for?!

BTW–had NO idea Henry Kissinger was a Jew.  Wondering if I offended him with that joke.  Shoot.

Oh! Remember to ask Cindy M. for different sleeping pills–but not the blue ones again! Don’t want to look like Cindy M. on election day (ha ha).  Lord knows, makeup can only do so much. Which reminds me, if that celebrity stylist comes near me again with her Autumn Kisses rouge, I’m going to unpack my Luger and go Alaska on her. The last time I checked, I wasn’t running for Whore in Chief.

Daily affirmation: *I am the Lord’s anointed champion*

Hugs and Stuff,

Sarah Barracuda

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November 3, 2008. 12:30 p.m.

Dear Diary,

Okay, the sourpuss mood around this plane is really starting to get on my nerves. Why do these people constantly talk about poll numbers? We know from scripture that miracles happen. And it’s not like we don’t know whose side God is on.

I’ve thought about it and here’s what came to me in a revelation last night. God could be doing the ol’ hockey fake out. He’s going to put that America-hating black man in the White House to give me a clear shot in 2012. Either that, or the end times are upon us.

Ooh! Staffers are coming around with mini cupcakes!

Gotta Run,

S.

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November 3, 2008. 8:30 p.m.

Dear Diary,

Did you know that women can be homosexuals, too? Uh oh, Cindy’s coming.

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November 4, 2008. 3:18 am

Dear Diary,

So worried. Worried about the future of our blessed nation. Worried for little Bristol. Where will we hide her when the race wars start? Room is spinning. I do not think these pills were good. I do not like them. I do not like them, Sam I Am. I do not like Triazolam.

Smooshes,

Princess Palin

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November 4, 2008. 10:00am

Dear Diary,

First, the bad news: the Federal Election people will not give me a do-over. Rats! Whatever Ralph Nader gets, subtract it by one.

On to the good news. Todd has a sledding buddy/released murderer pal up in Prudhomme Bay who says he can help us out with Operation Sudden Promotion. Actually, we had to change the name because Todd kept forgetting what it meant. Now we are calling it Operation There’s Only Room For One Maverick In The White House. I wonder how long I have to wait to make it really convincing and believable?

One last thing. Did you know they let *anyone* vote? I just can’t wait to start bringing some Wasilla common sense to this country.

Bye For Now,

S

Categories: McCain · Palin · Palintology · Politics
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Record Turnout Predicted

November 4, 2008 · Leave a Comment

In one of the best outcomes of this election, the predicted record turnout means that more Americans than ever are exercising their right and their responsibility to be involved in choosing our new leaders, and participating actively in the process.  Young people, minorities, newly naturalized citizens – all voting in record number.

In addition, the stress on the system is resulting in long lines.  Fortunately the mood is generally good, with people gladly suffering the inconvenience of long waits in order to be a part of this historic election.  Let’s hope that the snafus cause some serious consideration of changes at the national level that not only make our elections run more smoothly, but also reduce the incidence of fraud and partisan rancor, but that all citizens are able to exercise the right to vote.

Categories: Palin · Palintology · Politics
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Call Me French President – “Sir Cozy”

November 4, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Contributed by DV

First of all, if I was that Palin staff member or personal assistant transferring over that “important” call, I would be looking for another job faster than you can say, ‘Drill, Baby Drill,’ or in her simple secretarial words, ‘Search, Baby Search.’ On Craigslist that is. No ladies and gentlemen, this wasn’t a scene from the MTV hidden camera series “Punk’d,’ a show that thrives on victimizing celebrities for cheap ridiculous laughter, no. This was an actual prank call made by a gay French Canadian radio personality duo Marc-Antoine Audette & Sebastien Trudel, whom happen to also be in a relationship aside from work.

Knowing Palin, she probably thinks that Sarkozy’s name is spelled out to be, “Sir Cozy.” I mean, did you hear her flirting on the phone with him.

Why did she take the call?

1. Her staff members were probably from Tennessee or someone who doesn’t realize that France is no longer under a Monarchy Rule.

2. Because, like Sarkozy, she believes that after November 4th (tomorrow), the McCain-Palin ticket will defeat the ‘Socialist Party,’ just like Sarkozy did with Segolene Royal, a real socialist candidate. But unlike Royal, Obama happens to be nothing near a socialist.

3. Like everyone who knows what it’s like to cram for an exam, you just have to take a call from a friend to vent from cramming all day long, which is what she did.

Categories: Palin · Palintology · Politics
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Karl Rove Predicts Obama Landslide

November 4, 2008 · Leave a Comment

While McCain attempts to keep up a brave face, Karl Rove has publicly predicted a  landslide of Obama-Biden at 338 electoral votes to McCain-Palin’s 200 (270 electoral votes needed to win).   This would be the most lopsided win since Clinton’s 1996 379-159 slaughtering of Bob Dole.

And in what has to be the oddest comment ever by a Vice Presidential candidate known for her odd comments, when asked outside the polling place in Wasilla – Sarah Palin answered that she wasn’t telling, but would exercise her right to privacy.  Huh?

And instead of a release of medical records, we get a note from her doctor saying that she’s A-OK?  Remember it was Sarah herself who said that she’d release her records.  What’s up with that?  And she does it right on the eve of the election so that it gets buried in the election coverage.  What is Sarah hiding?

In addition the Personnel Board in Alaska released its own findings that contradicted the conclusion in the Branchflower Report.  If you’ll remember the independent investigator found that Palin had violated Alaska’s ethics laws by using the power of the Governor’s office to try to get her ex-brother-in-law fired as a trooper (Troopergate).  This second report says that she did not violate ethics laws.  The only problem is that the members of the Personnel Board – you bethca’ – appointed by the Governor.  So the Governor rejects the finding of the independent investigator appointed by the bipartisan legislature as biased, but says that the report from people she appointed is unbiased.  Huh?

Categories: McCain · Palin · Palintology · Politics · Troopergate
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Palin Pranked by Fake Sarkozy

November 3, 2008 · 3 Comments

You’ve probably heard that Sarah Palin fell prey to a Canadian comedy team’s prank call, in which she doesn’t come off too well.  Talk about “Gotcha’ Journalism!”

Here’s the audio of the actual call:

And here is a fun Belgian dance-mix take using that audio:

Categories: McCain · Palin · Palintology · Politics
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Palin 2012? Even McCain is in on the joke.

November 3, 2008 · 2 Comments

On Saturday Night Live on November 1st Presidential candidate McCain did a skit with Tina Fey in which they go on QVC (the only TV they can afford) as a way to counter Obama’s multi-network half-hour special, and also “sell some stuff.”

It was moderately funny, but felt a little awkward to me.  McCain was in a skit where Palin (Fey) “goes rogue” in the middle of a segment and starts hawking her new t-shirt “Palin 2012″ to a camera stage left.

Even Cindy got in on the act, showcasing the “fine gold” (as in McCain-Fine Gold) that was being sold to help raise money for the campaign.  That was bad punsterism that warmed my heart.

Palin also got in on the Fey action, saying that Tina should keep her Palin outfits because she’ll need them over the next four years.  I think she was implying that the McCain-Palin ticket would score an upset win on election day.  Whatever the implication, one certain thing is that Palin is planning on staying on the national stage, regardless of how the election turns out.  And, therefore, this site isn’t going anywhere.

If you haven’t seen the SNL skit, watch it here and decide for yourself.  Is McCain just a good sport participating in some self-deprecating humor, or was it odd to see a candidate for President poke fun at his Vice President pick?

Watch it here:

Categories: Palin · Palintology · Politics
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Be the Best Sarah Palin Ever

October 31, 2008 · Leave a Comment

With Halloween falling right before a historic presidential election, politically inspired decorations are everywhere. Just step outside and you’ll see partisan animus carved into jack-o-lanterns, worked into yard tableaus, and projected onto hanging effigies by enthusiasts of all stripes.

No surprise–in the costume department, Sarah Palin is the clear frontrunner.

Of course if you’re lazy or a last-minute shopper, you can simply modify a drug-store ghoul mask and go as John McCain. But that’s just plain boring–and scary. So for the more motivated readers out there, I’ve taken the liberty of compiling a few pointers in the event you’d like to impress your neighbors with a homemade Sarah Palin costume.

  1. First, you’ll need a brightly colored skirt-suit. Make sure it’s monochrome! No fanciful (liberal) patterns. Try a thrift store near a retirement community or a local PTA office.
  2. Next, take up the skirt 3 or 4 inches, and accessorize with a second-hand brooch (American flag or elephant if possible), a pair of hooker heels, and bright lipstick.
  3. Save precious American dollars by repurposing that up-do wig from last year’s sexy teacher, sexy librarian or sexy witch costume.
  4. The signature rimless eye wear is going to be tough (Sarah Palin knockoffs are sold out everywhere). I suggest checking Home Depot for a pair of plastic safety glasses.
  5. To bring this costume alive you’ll need to practice winking after every fourth word and using a variety of random catch-phrases such as “Washington elite” “without preconditions” “bad guys” and “palling around with terrorists.” Be as hostile as possible in your delivery.
  6. Practice your Miss America wave–elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist.
  7. Carry with you a homemade Palin rally poster that looks like it was scrawled by a third-grader. For extra fun, write on the back “I’ll be in charge of the senate!”
  8. Finally, find a plastic rifle to sling over your shoulder, and force your child (or any child) to accompany you dressed as either a moose or wolf.

And voila! You’re ready to go toe-to-toe with all the other maverick reformers at your costume party. Dressed like a bona-fide political babe, you may even score a date!

Categories: Palin · Palintology · Politics
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Palin Myth Bustin'

October 30, 2008 · 2 Comments

In our whirlwind affair with Sarah Palin, it’s just possible that the gal we thought we knew isn’t exactly who we’ve been told.  The image-meisters have been selling us a Palin that doesn’t exist.  The package doesn’t stand up to scrutiny.  Here I’ll attempt to debunk some of the most egregious myths:

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Myth #1: Palin is a Reformer.

Fact: Palin is no Reformer. Palin started her political career by shaking up the Wasilla government, but it was with the significant help and encouragement of the state Republican party.   As Sarah was running for Governor the Veco bribery scandal was starting to reshape state politics.   Palin had no role whatsoever in uncovering or prosecuting the corruption, but she had a keen political sense, and took advantage of the scandal to further her own desire for power.  Sensing the changing winds, she grabbed on to the mantle of reformer and has held on since.  Apparently Palin thinks a leader is someone who sees where the mob is heading and runs like heck to get in front of them.

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Myth #2:  Palin is loyal to those around her

Fact:  Palin regularly turns viciously against her former friends. Palin started her political career in the little town of Wasilla.  Sarah met the sitting mayor and police chief in her aerobics class.  With the help of these friends, she ran for the city council.  Once there, she turned against her former friends, and drove them out of office so that she could take power, calling them “good ol’ boys.”  If there is one trait that comes through loud and clear with Sarah Palin it is raw ambition and disregard for the means of obtaining power.  Perhaps it is this trait that accounts for her extremely strained relationship with many who have had to deal with her, including her husband’s mother.

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Myth #3:  Palin is a Fiscal Conservative

Fact: Palin raised taxes and left Wasilla in debt. Palin raised the sales tax while mayor of Wasilla.  When she left, the town had millions of dollars of debt that had been taken on in order to build a new sports complex.  The debt was higher than just the construction costs; enormous legal fees had been incurred because proper title to the land had not been obtained before building had started, and resulted in a protracted and expensive legal battle.  Palin raised taxes, and incurred debt.  And that state jet she sold while Governor?  It turns out selling things on eBay is a standard method of selling state property.  Only in the case of the jet they couldn’t sell it on eBay, and had to turn to a private broker, and then they lost over half a million dollars on the sale.  Nice story for her RNC speech, it just wasn’t quite true.

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Myth #4:  Palin is Against Earmarks

Fact:  In Alaska, a politician has to get money from the federal government to survive. Palin was no different.   Alaska has the highest intake from the Federal government per capita of any state in the union.  Palin excelled at getting earmarks, and was able to obtain over $27 million in federal earmarks for little Wasilla over three years.  And that “Bridge To Nowhere” that she was against?  Well, first she was for it.  When the attention and outcry meant that the project was no longer feasible, then she was against it.  Make no mistake – during her run for Governor, Sarah Palin supported the bridge to nowhere.  And after she was against it, she still kept the money and directed it to different projects.  Against earmarks?  Hardly.

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Myth #5:  Palin had great success with her Pipeline Project

Fact:  The jury is still out. Palin basically told the big 3 American oil companies to pound sand, and cut a deal with a Canadian company to build a pipeline.  The problem was that she committed over five hundred million dollars of Alaska’s money on the $40 billion deal, and the legislature still hasn’t approved the funds.  It could be a coup, it could be a fiasco.  Like so much that is left in Palin’s wake, there is a lot of disruption from the large waves of her impulsiveness and lack of foresight.

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Myth #6:  Palin is squeaky clean

Fact:  Troopergate. The independent investigator found that Palin violated ethics law and standards.  She used her position as Governor to pursue a personal vendetta against her ex-brother-in-law.  Her entire political career is littered with the complaints of her former allies as she has pursued her small town agenda with a big state apparatus.  Billings to the State:  Palin took her per diem expenses for over 300 days when she was in her own home.  She brought along her husband and children and charged expenses to the State even though they had no official State business, and then didn’t report the picked up expenses as income.

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Myth #7:  Palin’s high popularity in Alaska was because of her expertise running Alaskan government.

Fact:  Palin used oil company money to pay off Alaskan citizens. Two thousand dollars for every Alaskan.  And then an extra twelve hundred dollars thanks to Sarah and the windfall profits tax.  The same taxes that McCain and most Republicans oppose.  That’s right – she played Robin Hood for Alaskans – taxing the oil companies and cutting checks with her name on them to the people – while claiming to be a free marketeer on the national stage.  If there was an award for creating a cash-for-votes operation, Sarah would be walking that red carpet.  Her popularity comes from the high price of oil, an oil windfall profits tax, and sending that cash to Alaskans in the form of a check.  Palin and simple.

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Myth #8:  Palin is a staunch defender of capitalism.

Fact:  Alaska is a socialist state. At least when it comes to natural resources; it turns out that the people of Alaska equally share in the ownership.  Those annual checks for citizens?  They’re the result of the people’s ownership of the oil reserves.  I’m not judging the situation, just calling it.  For Palin to call Obama a socialist is beyond irony.  Socialism means the collective ownership of the means of production.  What is more basic than the natural resources?   And in Alaska, those are owned collectively by the citizens.

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Myth # 9:  Palin has always been a “Country-First” kind of lady.

Fact:  Palin is Alaska-First and an opportunist. When she was running for Governor, Palin gave an Alaska-First rallying cry.  Lest you dismiss this as something that every State Governor would do, remember that Alaska is special.  Just ask the secessionist Alaskan Independence Party, the one in which her husband Todd held membership.  She has prominently said that “Alaska needs to protect our sovereignty.”  Choose your poison:  believe that Palin can switch allegiances faster than a RNC-bought couture jacket from Barney’s; or believe that she is being disingenuous about her “country first” message now, and still holds dear her Alaska-first belief system, evidenced by her proclivity to extract ever more money from Washington.

With the Republican ticket struggling, the different camps within the party are forming their circular firing squad.  Palin seems more focused now on establishing her own power base for her own political future than in helping the ticket or fostering Republican unity.  So I have to conclude that her radical make-over had its intended effect – Palin has increased her power because the media has not had the time or the gumption to shine the bright light of truth on the package of Palin myths that have been sold to the American people.  We can only hope that the simple power of the truth will soon catch up with her, and make this scary tale have a fairy tale ending.

Categories: Palin · Palintology · Politics
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Famed Liberal (Socialist?) George F. Will Questions McCain

October 29, 2008 · Leave a Comment

OK, I’m sorry, but you know that the McCain-Palin ticket has been abandoned by everyone except the KKK, James Dobson and the Christian Right and their mothers (but, famously, not necessarily mother-in-laws in the case of “First Gentlemen” Todd Palin’s mother) when George F’in Will speaks out against the outrageous positions and claims the ticket is making.

In his recent Washington Post article “Call Him John The Careless, ” venerable populist/intellectual of conservatives George Will calls out McCain for his reckless choice of Palin as Vice-Presidential candidate.

In his article Will chides McCain for his choice of Palin and her severe misunderstanding of the role of Vice President, and also for their ridiculous challenge to the huge groundswell of support for Obama-Biden.  This surge has been moral, financial and has brought new participants, both young and old into the political process.  Indeed, Obama is one of the first “movement” candidates we’ve had in the United States in a very, very, very long time.  McCain now claims that Obama donors, who have contributed on average between $80 and $90 each, are somehow skirting campaign finance laws and subverting democracy.  Are you McCain’ing kidding me?

Palin and her “circle” were busy today contemplating Sarah’s future if/when McCain/Palin loses.  As I’ve written here previously, apparently Sarah believes she is the future of the Republican party and has even talked publicly about a 2012 run, “if” they lose.  Oops, NOT a talking point!  Personally I happen to think that the establishment Republicans will wrest back control and send Palin a’packin’ – but I always try to remember that no one has ever gone broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.  Especially Republicans.

I kind of hope Sarah stays around.  It would make this URL domain (www.hatepalin.com) a whole lot more useful, and my life a lot more interesting.  It would also mean the dissipation of conservative power over the nation due to internecine warfare within the Republican party.  I think that would be a very good thing.

If it weren’t all so serious, it would be comical.

Categories: Bush · McCain · Palin · Palintology
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Felon Ted Stevens Endorses Sarah Palin

October 29, 2008 · Leave a Comment

So Sarah Palin keeps some unsavory company.  Here’s the video of the endorsement she sought, and recieved, from Senator and convicted felon Ted Stevens.

Categories: McCain · Palin · Palintology
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